Showers.

This post is pre-written and scheduled to publish on the day of my departure. But it’s written the night before, after what would be known as my last day on this island.

I woke up, pretty excited today, I had a family brunch scheduled, and I haven’t been to one in 3 years, let alone host my own.
I woke up to find 6 texts in my phone from my family group chat and one of my friends.
I listened to the first out of four voicenotes where my sister gave a weekly update and went about my first business of the day; coffee.
I then sat down to listen to the three remaining voicenotes, all from my mom, talking about my sister, my family, our weekend and finally, me.
She mentioned how she’s preparing to adjust to me leaving and how she’ll miss my sense of humor, and how she can think back to when I had the worse sense of humor, and would try so hard to be funny, but never was. My siblings never answered.
We prepped for the brunch, made some eggs, bacon, croissants and prepared whatever else was needed.
My family came, we ate, talked and hanged out.
the rest of the day was pretty irrelevant,

But now, I just came out of the shower, and I had to sit and write. I cried while taking a shower. I spent my last night, in my room, watching a movie. I should have been with my mom.

I also realized, this is it. the pact is over. We will never be in this situation ever again.

I thought about how I miss my dad, and i wish he was here to see this. But he’s not. It’s been 5 years of me telling myself I’m okay. And now that important stuff is happening I’m not.

So that’s it. I’m going to go sleep in my moms bed, because I already miss her.

With love and overwhelming tears, Kamla.

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