The term “friends” on this island is a loose term.
You talk to someone once and they think you’re friends.
People on this island feel insulted by the term “acquaintance”. But that’s exactly what you are.
Even worse, people are surprised that when you drift apart and you both grow to be completely different people that you’re not even “acquaintances” but instead you’re now “strangers”. And that should be totally okay, but it’s not.
I’ve cut a lot of people off in the last year. Strictly to make myself happy. And it’s not like we had a difference in opinion in food or beverage, but instead I cut them off because they didn’t believe in education, self respect or independence. Things that I find build a strong character and a great person, things they didn’t value.
With two out of the three, we separated quietly and went our different ways and just sort of ignored what happened. I mean, I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, I just didn’t feel they deserved an explanation. They just weren’t worth my time and energy anymore.
The third and final one was a little more different. I didn’t feel it was worth my time and energy to give her an explanation, but when she asked I thought I would give her the most direct answer out there. Unfortunately that led to more questions and accusations. “You didn’t care how I was doing” well, to be frank with you, in the last 6 months, no, I really did not care. You are not my problem. You are not my responsibility. You are not my friend.
Before those six months I would ask you and you would give me a superficial answer or even better, you wouldn’t even reply. So after that, why would I even bother? You’re only sad because now you don’t get the attention and worry that you used to because everyone is tired of your games. So that’s it. I am tired of chasing you just so that you can “feel important“.
Aside from cutting people off, certain strangers became an acquaintance once more, and then leveled up to friend. Introducing to you once more, Rae.
Me and Rae went back about 6 years, when I was with my ex-boyfriend. Rae was his best friend, and that’s how a stranger became an acquaintance, and then a friend. But then me and my ex-boyfriend broke up, and I changed schools, and I hadn’t seen Rae in 2 years. And then I did, when she transferred to the school I went to. But we still didn’t talk, because we were strangers at that point. Finally, on the eve of graduation, I walk into my make up appointment and there she is, sitting and waiting to be picked up. And my first thought was “Shit!” mostly because I thought she thought I was a bitch because, SURPRISE, I have a MEGA resting bitch face. But instead she says “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken at school.. I just didn’t know what to say.” And then I thought “SHIT!” because I just judged the least judgy person I know. And I replied back with “It’s okay, things were awkward, and we’re different now.” And we laughed, and it was fine. We didn’t talk at graduation, but later in the week, while I uploaded some snaps to my story, she replied to one of them, and we got to talking and I asked for her number and we texted back and forth, and I remembered why we were friends in the beginning. Rae is by far the most accepting person I know, and she tries to be as honest as possible whilst still being gentle.
Rae taught me that it’s okay to live your life, and drift apart, but she also taught be how to come back to someone.
After realizing all this, which took about 2 hours, I decided I would inform her about my unhealthy obsession with the fire department, and asked if she wanted to go with me. She was pretty surprised as she replied back with “What, this week already??” BUT! she went with me anyways, and we had a great time talking and laughing.
So after all this, I realized, I’m okay with leaving people behind that made me unhappy, but I also need to be okay with accepting people that have a potential to make me happy.
So from your friend, acquaintance or stranger, I hope I can teach you something new today.
With love and acceptance, Kamla