I made it. But do I deserve it?

So I officially passed my year, I’m now in 11th grade.

Guys, it took me 4 years. 4 FUCKING YEARSSSSS!

I think in a way I feel accomplished that I finally made it to senior year, but at the same time I can’t stop reminding myself it took me 4 years. It’s like it doesn’t count cause I was in 10th grade for so long and at some point you’re obligated to either drop out or pass your year, you know what I mean?

I guess in a way I hoped it would feel special, but it doesn’t and it sort of feels like I don’t have a right to feel special because I’ve fucked up for so long.

I mean I’m going out tomorrow night in celebration and I’m doing dinner before that, but am I celebrating that I passed or am I celebrating everyone else who graduated?

Isn’t it so fucked up that you yourself can fuck yourself up so much that you don’t feel you deserve something that took a lot of work and is actually a really big accomplishment? I mean in a way 2 years were wasted on me doing absolutely nothing, and the last two were mandatory because at night school you have to do 10th grade in 2 years instead of just 1.

Does that mean I don’t get to celebrate when I graduate because I should have graduated like 4 years ago?

My life is a joke, Kamla.

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