Over jealous, over zealous.

Guys, when it comes to friendship, I feel like I can only be your friend if I’m your only friend. I get super zealous when it comes to friendship and I’ll get attached and clingy and try to basically hand feed you all of my love while having you strapped down to a chair. With that being said, I want to be the only person who does that to you, thus leading to me being extremely jealous when you talk about your other friends, or even worse, hang out with them.

I mean I do realize something is wrong with me for feeling that way and of course I’d never actually tell you to stop talking about them or hanging out with them, but just know when you do, I picture myself shooting you with an AK-47. I’m a little bit creepy, I know.

I just find it so strange as to why you need other people in your life when you have me, the person that will never grow tired of giving you unconditional, undivided attention.

As for when it comes to family, I feel nothing like that at all. If you tell me you’re going to spend the day out with your cousin and end up texting me mid-day while you’re still with your cousin, I will lose my shit. I’m part of a pretty tight knit family, and we spend an unhealthy amount of time up eachothers asses. At least I do. So if I’m busy with my family, I am only busy with my family.

I guess I know that eventually friends leave, but I won’t. I’m like that annoying bird outside your window at 6.05 AM that just won’t shut the fuck up. Constantly chirping “Good morning”, “How was your day?”, “Are you at work?”, “Can we hang?” and best of all “Don’t leave me”.

And I technically have no right to do this, because I have a few friends myself, whom all receive this treatment, but have no right to tell me to eliminate other friends.

Now, with all of that said and done, I bid you folks adieu.

Xx, Kamla.

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I made it. But do I deserve it?

So I officially passed my year, I’m now in 11th grade.

Guys, it took me 4 years. 4 FUCKING YEARSSSSS!

I think in a way I feel accomplished that I finally made it to senior year, but at the same time I can’t stop reminding myself it took me 4 years. It’s like it doesn’t count cause I was in 10th grade for so long and at some point you’re obligated to either drop out or pass your year, you know what I mean?

I guess in a way I hoped it would feel special, but it doesn’t and it sort of feels like I don’t have a right to feel special because I’ve fucked up for so long.

I mean I’m going out tomorrow night in celebration and I’m doing dinner before that, but am I celebrating that I passed or am I celebrating everyone else who graduated?

Isn’t it so fucked up that you yourself can fuck yourself up so much that you don’t feel you deserve something that took a lot of work and is actually a really big accomplishment? I mean in a way 2 years were wasted on me doing absolutely nothing, and the last two were mandatory because at night school you have to do 10th grade in 2 years instead of just 1.

Does that mean I don’t get to celebrate when I graduate because I should have graduated like 4 years ago?

My life is a joke, Kamla.