Shit dude

Isn’t it fucked up how I walk around trembling everyday because I feel so much anxiety? Most days I just hold my breath and hope I make it to the end of the day, and when the end of the day arrives, I’m so overwhelmed with everything I just bawl my eyes out for hours in bed.

I hate how much I rely on certain people just because I can’t do anything myself anymore. I hate even more how people don’t take anxiety seriously. My anxiety can last 4 minutes up to a whole week. That means that for a whole week I struggle so much emotionally and physically.

I feel like I need to keep people away because they can’t seem to understand whats going on, and I’m down to 3 people in my life and not a single one is related to me because they don’t understand either. What’s worse is that one of those three cause a lot of my anxiety, but if not around, it’s only worse.

I guess it’s true what they say; “You can run but you can’t hide.”

Trying but never succeeding.

I spend days crying trying to figure out why I would ever let someone in who I know could hurt me. Meanwhile other days im giddy about the fact that I will see him tonight.

I mean absolutely nothing to this person but I hope that one day I would mean something.
They say hope breeds disappointment and I am over filled on hope when it comes to this relationship, though not a romantic one.

I sometimes think people should accept that when someone tells you “he’s not good enough for you” you should remember that someone could be telling him the same thing.
And as much as we would like to believe there is someone out there who is going to be better for us, there is also someone out there who is better than us.

Honesty is the worst policy

If I’m honest with you guys, I’ve grown more depressed these past few months than I have ever been. And that’s not okay. I hate the person I am, not the person I’ve become, I’m still the same old me, except for I’m not worth anyone’s time.

My siblings are off doing school and work stuff.
My friends are out partying.
And I’m here with social anxiety crying in my room like the little bitch kid I am.

My studies have gone backwards, my grades have dropped.
I can barely keep myself from sinking and failing.

I guess I’ve reached the point that I have completely given up on everything and I hate everyone and everything.

Well shit, I guess the secret is out.

Not a lot of love, kamla.