I’ve built walls to keep people out, and I’ve had them up for a very long time. And then someone special came into my life and I let them down and I let this person in, and I became vulnerable and I fell to crumbs in his hands. And he didn’t drop me, I was just jolted with a dose of reality. And now I’m left in my mess, to deal with myself.

Someone special turned out to be someone who woke me up. Woke me up from the morphine overdose I put myself in. And now I have to deal with all of these feelings and emotions and it’s pulling me under. I hate how I’m sitting here, telling him everything is fine and I actually hate myself for all of this. I just wish I could be a better person, a stronger person.

I have a friend, Naomi, and she doesn’t take shit from anyone, if you just think of hurting her she cuts you off before you even get a chance, and I keep getting hurt and I keep crawling back and I hate myself for it.

They say darkness exist to make light truly count. But I feel like everything is a dark hole and I will never see light. This is why I never feel worthy of anyone, this person is not at all bothered, that should be a sign for me to get out, but this person has burrowed himself in the deep crevices of my heart and I can’t get him out.

I am swallowed by my own tears, mostly because I’m so disappointed with myself. I let my walls down, and not only did I let someone in, but I let myself out. And trust me, I don’t mean to make this person seem like a bad guy, he’s been good, he’s always been good, I’m just not deserving of good.

Fighting for my life, Kamla.


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