Leaving.

Hey guys. This is not the big piece I’ve been working on for the past few days, this is me having so much anxiety about my sister leaving. My sister left today, the 27th, and I’m a wreck. Last night was fun, we went out after school, ladies night. We got shit faced, especially me. Got home at 3 in the morning.. or.. maybe? I can’t really remember. We woke up this morning completely fine, not at all hung over. (Thank god.) We talked, had some laughs, no big deal. She packed while we listened to music. Eventually we both took a shower. Got in the car and headed for the airport. She dropped off her baggage, still okay. We had a drink outside, totally hunkydory. We got to the entrance, we hugged goodbye, I was carrying my niece, and boom. it hits me. She’s leaving. And I start crying. Siblings have a bond that is unbreakable. My sister and I are no different. We have a deep bond and she is my best friend. It wasn’t that I no longer had someone to drive me around, or that I had to pay for my own things now. But the idea that for another year I will not laugh the way I have laughed the past few weeks. My sister and I communicate in a very odd way, we don’t finish sentences, we do stupid accents, and we make up thoughts for animals. This past month I have peed myself from laughing more than I would want to admit. Sure my sister is a procrastinator. But even when we’re late, we have a great time driving because I know every road. Opening up to my sister, showing emotions for once, letting my guard down, was so nice. And you’re standing at that door and you realize it’s all over. And it hits you like a truck on the highway. And you feel yourself break. And you look at her with your eyes full of desperation and sadness and you see her break as well. My sister may be 3 years older, but she is still my baby sister. And looking at her in this moment, accepting, realizing that she is a grown woman, a strong, smart, funny woman who is ready to do her masters is beautiful. I felt really angry that I couldn’t feel happy for her. But I was feeling selfish and I just wanted her to stay. I constantly feel like crying and I hate it. It’s ridiculous. I feel that crying gets us nowhere. And now I’m that person. I went to school not being able to concentrate, I went to my first class and then skipped my last class and went home, where I cried some more. I’m starting to realize skyping with my sister will be tough with my work/school schedule and the time difference. My sister is really my better half. she’s my Yang. And I miss her already. The worst part is; I forgot to tell her I love her before she left. I’m sorry guys, I’m very¬†distraught and just trying to be open with you guys. I don’t know the correct words for this post. I’m going to call it a night.

I’m sorry, Kamla.

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