Hey guys, I know I haven’t posted when expected. But I’ve been struggling with wording everything.
The problem is that people think I’m a bitch and that I think I’m better than everyone. And in some cases I do think I’m better than certain people. For example people who turn to drugs to solve their problems. Or people who don’t have self respect, I could care less if you respect me or not, but at least have the decency to respect yourself. Also, when intelligent people making stupid decisions.
I never think I’m better than poor people or people of lower intelligence. When I call someone stupid I’m referring to people with an education making dumb decisions and blaming other people when it goes wrong. You can’t help in what financial situation you were born in and I can not hold you responsible for it. You can’t control whether you are employed or not. You can apply at a thousand companies and never get a phone call. I know because I’ve been there. And you most certainly can not help it if you were born with a lower level of intelligence. I’m not a genius. I’ll admit that. I can’t remember anything. But I try, and that’s the difference. When you keep trying and keep moving forward.
As for judging people, I do judge people. We all do. If you just told yourself you don’t, you lied. But when you use the information to belittle people, you’re probably in the wrong. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in the wrong, I used to be the bully, the bad bitch bully. I’m not proud of it, but I’m honest. I will never hide what has shaped me to be the woman I am today. Of course it wasn’t like I let the bully in me get bigger, but it has thought me to not cross the line. But I will add that I get aggressive when people go racist on me. Just yesterday on the bus a lady told me I had to get up because “locals have a right to sit“. In my aggression I replied “Where the fuck do you think I’m from? Zimbabwe?” I don’t think my reaction was wrong because the bus driver heard her and was ready to kick her out. But I do think I was wrong for calling out Zimbabwe. In the end I remained seated.
I also have this thing where people say I’m too tough and heartless. I’m not, okay I’m detached but not heartless. I just have priorities. Am I going to fail a subject for a funeral? No. Not unless you’re someone I care deeply about. Am I fine with people dying? Yup. Even if you’re my family, it’s part of life. People are so afraid of dying, and I feel that I have given in to it. I am fine with dying. I hope my family goes on without a hitch when I die.
This whole blog is intended for me to clarify things. allow people to understand me for once. I’ve always shut people out and I want to open up and offer you guys a first hand look at the way I think. It has been a confusing post and I apologize for my lack of politeness.
P.S. My phone is fucking up so I’ll be posting once a week from now on.
Yours truly, Kamla.